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(no subject)


I'm really sad about being off-limits. I know why and it makes sense, seeing as your my sisters best friend, but I'm really sad about it.
I know none of you get me, the gender stuff, and the fact that my name is different, even though it wasn't different this weekend you have to know I go by the other name to everyone else except for my blood-family.
You seemed to get me, you seem like you get me.
I've had a thing for you for almost ten years.
I don't know when you began returning my feelings or when you began feeling something for me.
I've liked you, loved you even, for almost ten years. I wish, I wish so much you could be in my life in that way.
You wouldn't be off-limits to me or for me and it makes me said that no part of me will ever actually be yours in that way and that no part of you will ever be mine.

  • Current Mood
    sad sad

(no subject)

Dear self,

Am I happy?? I want to be a part of a 'couple' but life is good without it. I'm a senior in culinary school, about to start the most exciting part of my life... but I think I'm lonely. I'm working on my weight, or atleast trying to, although I don't think I'm fat. I have got some beautiful curves, and I couldn't imagine losing them. This job I landed, will be the most difficult but the most rewarding thing I've ever done... will I even have time for a man? I can't seem to date guys my age, and I'm not sure I can really have a relationship with the older guys I seem to like. This is so confusing... I know that Bobby and I would do great together, but he's 29 and smokes more weed than I do. He's got a great job, a house, everything is in order... but do I want to smoke weed once I have children and all the other things I want? I just wish I could understand everything that is going on... and just know what I want in life.

Maybe I should return back to church. My faith helped me so much with everything before... but that is another issue. Do I feel as though what I do on a daily basis is sinful, or does God understand why I do what I do? If I could just have a sit down chat with God!!

I just hope that this will all make sense soon.

i'm done and gone.

most of you who read this won't really care. if anything you'll be happy.i'm tired of playing games with everyone. i keep putting a fake smile on to make everyone happy. no one cares about me. by the time you read this the computer will be off and so will the phone. i'm sick of how i'm treated by everyone. good bye
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    frustrated frustrated

who gives a damn?

tell me you give a damn and i will call you a liar. you think you know well the darkness has sunk into my blood and you will see true colors now. wait til you see me now.
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    amused amused


you know what people fuck you all. you all make me sick to my damn stomach. i have some one who has ripped my heart out. i have one who is just stupid and the rest of you i could give two shits about fuck all. have a happy life assholes
  • Current Music
    korn- bitch we gotta problem

(no subject)

I got my hood pierced in retaliation for you breaking up with me. I love it though, so I think I'll keep it in for a while. Fuck you Brett.. you're a bastard who only cares about yourself. I'm not ending our friendship, you are. I promised you I'd always be there and I'm keeping my end of the deal up... maybe you should try it.


"Everyone winds up kissing the wrong person goodnight."

I hate to know how true that really is. I want you more than anything, but I keep flirting with your friends. I know you're probably extremely confused... and maybe I'm beginning to look like a slut. I refuse to be passed around your circle of friends, so I'm going to try and stay away from Brett and Kyle. (mainly Kyle.) I think he's going to end up ruining any chances of you and I dating... I know you would never hurt another friend just to make yourself happy. Maybe once we move in together and we spend most of your time together, you'll fall for me the way I fell for you.

You're gorgeous in every way, I hope you see that too.

Apparently I spoke to soon... I'm so excited we're dating now. I hope you feel the same way I do. I want you to know that even if this doesn't work out between us, we'll still be okay. I know it's weird moving in together before we dated, but hopefully it will work out.



Dear Haley,

I blame this on you, every single second of it. My brother wants to kill himself, so you tell him that you're always here for him and blah blah blah. Then when he calls on you to talk, you ignore your phone because you're riding some asshole's cock. I hope you get AIDS. How much would it have hurt you to call my brother back?? What if he had done it? What if he had killed himself?? I'd be lost. He's one of the few people in this world that I can truely trust... and you don't give a damn about him.

Go eat a twinkie you dumb bitch, and leave my brother the fuck alone. I hate you.

(no subject)


I don't need you... but it still hurts. Yeah, we were "best friends" through out highschool, yet I hear about you talking shit. I never said anything though, I was that desperate for "good" friends. I feel so dumb now. Why do I care that you took me off your top friends on myspace? I know I shouldn't, so maybe I won't care anymore.

Yeah right. My only true friend is leaving for Florida on October 1st. Who will I have left? Maybe there is no point in trying, I'm so sad. I can't decide what I want.. a group of fake ass friends, or no one? Truthfully, I know that not having anyone is better than allowing myself to get hurt over and over. Katie, you and all of your friends are toxic... I know this. You are the reason highschool sucked for me. You never talked to me when I was fat, but once I lost enough weight that I was "chubby", you used me. I was your fat friend... I'm prettier than you though, I know it. I'm curvy, and I like that. Your bitch ass boyfriend is cheating on you too.

I feel better :c)

Dear Ulises,

I hate you so much. But you are the only one in the world that I have to confide in. I wish you, my abusive boyfriend, who insults me and makes me cry each day and hurts me all the time, were not the only friend I had. Because then i wouldnt be forced to stay with you. I hate you... but I love you. Because I have to. 

Once yours before you changed, 
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    sad sad